Stopping

This blog may sound selfish. There may indeed be some, but more than that you will read honest feelings here today.

I have pretty much decided the Golden Rule is passe. For years I have treated others as I wanted to be treated, only to be hurt. I am thinking about treating people how they treat ME, since that is how the rule goes from their point. They treat ME how they want to be treated right? I am going to give it to them. 

I have always been a person that is thoughtful, giving and always willing to help out if I can. Every year for Christmas I spend a lot of money, invest a lot of time and care to make boxes of sweets, candies and cookies and I send them out to people that I (at least used to think) loved me and were my friends. Every year I am overlooked, forgotten or not given a thought at all. In fact many times I have to ask if they received the box. I want to brighten their holidays a tiny bit and to let them know they are thought of and loved by someone. Frankly it hurts that what I do seems to not be worth anything. Perhaps I over value what I do.

All the years of doing this …. 3 people have done something nice for me.

I am not setting myself up anymore. It hurts too much.

I am not sending out goodie boxes anymore. I will still bake and make candy… I will give it to some people that will appreciate it. There are children that are fighting cancer, there is kids in a shelter, and there are wounded vets in the VA hospital in Ft. Worth.

I am not going to stop baking and doing candy because it is a huge part of Christmas for me, but I am going to give it to people that I don’t even know because at least that way… the outcome will be the same… but at least they don’t know me.

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Blessed

dear lord help me. I wrote a full length blog and it wouldn’t publish it THEN it ate it! GRRR!

It has been a long time since I wrote a post. I guess I am just busier or maybe less vocal, it seems that people are so ready to be critical or pick a fight these days that it just isn’t worth it. I am too tired to fight with people anymore.

 

This post is about me and my body. After almost 7 years my head image and my body image match I believe.

I never thought I would have a long and lean body. I never thought it would be boyish. I mean I knew that even when I was heavy that I was small chested and that losing weight wasn’t going to help that but I still never thought it would be little more than a stick. The extra skin on my behind actually helps give me a backside!

I am not sure if it is my age or that I just realize that this is the way it is but I have come to like…. no love my body. That is huge because my whole life I have hated and battled it. I have abused it in every way other than drugs and alcohol. I am paying for that now, but that isn’t the point of this post.

My body certainly isn’t perfect I have stretch marks still, scars and loose skin on my thighs and behind. I wish my hair was thicker. I look in the mirror and I see the beginnings of wrinkles and gray hairs are sprouting. But it’s all ok.

One of the reasons that I know of that has gotten me here is Bill. I am so blessed.

You want to know what Bill’s favorite part of me is? My butt! The thing I hate the most about myself. He asked me to not color my hair so that I would go gray with him. I love his gray, and especially in his beard when he lets it grow. He actually fusses a little when I put on makeup when we go out. He honestly and truthfully likes me without it. He says I am beautiful the way I am. 

Do you have any idea what it is like to have someone love the things you hate about yourself? Do you know how wonderful it is to have someone that doesn’t want you to chase youth? To teach you  that imperfection is beautiful too?

We have been married 27 years. I am thankful every single day for him. I know how rare it is to still feel so strongly in love with someone after that many years.

I wish that every woman had a man that loved their flaws. I love you my beloved.