Just Catching up

Well it has been over two weeks since I stopped listening to conservative talk radio. I don’t really miss it to be honest. The fist few days were tough because it was breaking a habit really, and I had to find something else to listen to.  

At the same time I stopped watching news 24/7. I read most of my news now, and watch the local news. I do not watch the network news casts as they are so biased, it get angry.

I am probably less informed than I was 3 weeks ago. Has my world crashed because I didn’t know every single thing? No. I am less stressed about the state of the world. I have reached a level of acceptance that the world is evil. I can not fight a world that WANTS to be evil.

I always wondered why God made me have pain and fatigue to the degree that I do. I honestly think some times that it is so that I will be too tired and in too much pain to spend my energy on getting  upset over things I can’t change. The more tired and in pain you are the smaller your bubble gets. It gets down to taking care of yourself and your family. It comes down to spending your energy on the people and the things that matter to you.

I am pretty busy with the cookie business and my life and it has been easier to let go of many things. I say let go but really I try to give it to God. Of course some days are better than others. I will ALWAYS be outraged at some things. I just have to understand that I can have those feelings and move on when I can’t change it. I have to learn that acceptance of how things are doesn’t mean that you condone it!

Anyway, life is a little busier, a little less stressful, well at least in that area lol.




Friendship is a strong AND a fragile thing. The last few months have shown me a some things.

I was once asked if I wanted my friends to think for themselves, the person had a different view on something than I did. I have thought about that a lot. Of course I want them to think for themselves. However I have also found out that I have trouble being friends with people that differ on the REALLY REALLY BIG THINGS.

I want to learn new things from my friends. I want to get new ideas… but not on the things that make me ME. My faith and my basic belief system.

There is truth to birds of a feather flock together and there is also a reason. You have a more harmonious and understanding friendship with someone that shares your basic core beliefs.

I have found that I can not be friends with VOCAL liberals. I can not nor do I particularly want to understand their stance. I simply see them as someone that is so unlike me that we can not have a loving relationship…. please note the word VOCAL.

I have found that I have trouble being friends with VOCAL unbelievers or those that tell me … oh there are many ways to Heaven. Again it is so different than my core beliefs.

So what is a Christian supposed to do? Love them anyway? yes of course. However, I don’t think you need to let them sway you. The world is full of people that what to make Christians look silly and weak…. why would I want that around me?

I cannot be friends with someone that thinks walking into an abortion clinic and killing an unborn baby because they were drunk…. ooops! or any other reason, mind you! I believe that that is murder and evil.

The Bible tells us that we are IN the world but not to be OF the world. That is getting harder and harder to do as there seem to be less and less people that take this to heart.

I simply chose to be around those whose life and choices show me that they are Christians…. sadly the election showed me the true insides of some friends…

I had one person tell me, oh this election is about more than abortion and gay rights… yep it is about the economy too…. he didn’t stop to think that they economy is the result of PAST BAD CHOICES…. there IS a price to pay when you chose an ungodly path…

Ok I am done, as I am getting worked up…

Remember this… you become more like those you surround yourself with.. chose wisely….

A weird experience

Most people have had Deja Vu. It is unsettling and a weird feeling. Recently I had an experience that was new to me and it upset me.

I was in Hobby Lobby and for those of you who are unfamiliar they have a lot of “frou frou” my name for things that serve no purpose other than setting there. I am sorry I am not a decorator. I walked past a display of “things” honestly I do not know what to call them, anyway this thing in the corner of my eye caught me. I can only describe it as a tall round thing with these pale purple drop beads.The beads where good sized and tear drop shaped.

I had a physical reaction to it. It was just THERE. It was LIKE deju vu in that it was familiar in an unnamed way. My heart started pounding and I felt sick to my stomach. I can not recall ever seeing anything like it before…. good or bad experience. To say I was unsettled is to put it mildly. I walked away as fast as I could. After I got away from it and settled down a little I thought.. that was weird but maybe it had nothing to do with that “thing”.

I had to know of course, so I went back to look at it again, and yes, it happened again. I was and still am incredibly puzzled as to what tie I might have to that thing. I took a picture with my phone. I don’t know what I thought I was going to do with it, anyone that might have an answer about how I might know it is gone.

Later that evening at home I looked at the picture. Even the PICTURE upset me. Deju vu is a fleeting thing… there for a second and gone. You brush it off and go on. I couldn’t do that this time.

It is just plain weird. To be honest I haven’t dug into that much because frankly if I have a bad reaction to a picture of something then I am thinking whatever it is tied to is not a fun and games kinda thing.

Anyone else ever had anything like that? A physical response to a random and unfamiliar object?

Before anyone goes there I DO NOT believe in reincarnation….

The one about food….

As I have talked about I have been slowly losing weight without trying for a couple of years now. I lost all the weight I needed to in about 13 months… it was drastic and wild. Then I gained about 15 pounds back and was stable for like 4 years. Then the losing started. I am still puzzled as to why. I know that I have the absorption thing, but I feel like I eat all the time. I eat anything and everything I want and as much as I want anytime I want. Its ok to hate me. I would have too.

I eat more healthy than I used to. Sometimes it is a conscious choice but I also think that my body craves that stuff now too. I DO eat junk food. I LOVE fried cheese sticks with marinara. I eat cheeseburgers and french fries. I really don’t know why my body is doing this and I worry when or if it will stop. My hipbones are sticking out in front and stay sore from being bumped.

Anyway, there is a saying about how they do the surgery on the stomach not the head, and that is true. Even after 7 years (next month) of having to try to change my views of food they are so ingrained that sometimes that still pop up. There are STILL good foods… and BAD food. The truth is I NEED to be eating  few of the BAD foods and yet I still think they are BAD when I go to eat them!


I eat Skinny Cow ice cream bars. I bought them so that Bill could enjoy them and I LOVE them in fact I prefer them because they are SOOOO yummy… not kidding yall. Go get them they are so so good. Anyway I will eat one at night and think …. that was good I want MORE.  Now they are 100 calories. I have no idea what calorie percentage I actually absorb there is no way to tell… but it is way less than the 100 calories I ate. Now I will go get another one… and the GUILT that ensues! OMG the self beating up! Look the fact is I NEED the calorie, I NEED the calcium and all that good stuff yet my head is screaming at me PIG!

A side note. I can eat the skinny cow without paying a high price like I do with regular ice cream and I don’t even go near milk… I can not handle it. So the fact that I CAN eat these is actually a GIFT.

So why don’t I see it as a gift? Why don’t I just enjoy it and be happy? I mean really isn’t that what every woman wants… to eat with abandon and not have to worry about gaining?

So it is fairly obvious I am SCREWED up with the food thing.


We live in a country where we have to much food we waste it, and yet we have the most complicated relationship with it. Boy does THAT install triggers that apparently last a lifetime. Even when the rules change the old thought process is such a part of us that I won’t if it is POSSIBLE to dig them out.

Just some thoughts in my weirdly messed up head….

Farewell, Farewell

The last few days I have had to end some relationships. It was not fun. Today I have to end more, and it isn’t fun either. I have spent a lot of time with them lately. Have you met Mark Davis, Micheal Medved, Dennis Prager, Micheal Gallagher, Ben Ferguson or Mark Levin?  Don’t worry if you don’t. They are all conservative talk show hosts. I have listened to them daily for months, they have told me many things that the media decided we didn’t need to know. I believe that they helped me make a more informed vote in my decision on voting. It needs to be said here that they were NOT my only sources, I listened to the media too. 

Anyway. As is their job, they point out the things that we should care about that some people like to pretend didn’t happen or doesn’t matter. So I continued to listen, because I still wanted to know. The thing is this… there is not a damn thing I can do anymore. But pray. I don’t need to be totally immersed in it everyday to pray for this country.  The only way that I had to effect change didn’t help, only God can.. and really HE is all that ever could.


I worry so so much about this country and the world. I worry and stress to the point that it makes me miserable. It literally makes me sick. I still can not wrap my head around the choice this country made and it was over a week ago. sigh


Anyway I think that we have to define the boundaries of what we worry about. It is like this … you are in the middle of the circle and you get to adjust how big the circle gets. I have had a BIG circle for a long time. In order to be happy I am going to have to shrink that circle way way down. Down in fact to the things I can actually control or at least influence.

So no more talk shows, no more constant news stream into my life. Does that mean I don’t care anymore? Not at all. Does it mean I give up? Nope and I am not sticking my head in the sand. I believe things are about to get REALLY REALLY REAL. I am turning my attention to preparing my family to make it through the times to comes…. because they are coming and you are the one with your head in the sand if you don’t believe it.

I can control or influence my life … not the so called president, the economy, the middle east, or the price of tea in china.  I can pray. I can prepare. That is what I plan to do.

So farewell to my friends, you may educate me but that knowledge steals my joy and it that maybe about all I have left….

Why I am heartbroken

Yesterday, well Tuesday night made me positively sick. I reacted, and am  reacting in a way that many don’t understand. They think well so, just 4 more years, we will get through it. Yeah, maybe. I believe one of two things. We are Christians will be taken out of here before the next election OR this country will be a totally Godless place. Actually it will be a totally Godless place regardless.

The election, for me, was a battle of good and evil. The evil won. It was a man with decency who wanted to protect unborn babies and believed that marriage was as God intended between a man and a woman. A man that believes that you stand with and for God’s people. Versus a man that is the antithesis of this.

As a country we have taken God’s word and made a mockery of it. We have told God He is not welcome here. We have made people think that they can rely on the Government and not themselves or God. Nothing good can come of this.

Years ago I just could not wrap my mind around the fact that the United States would be so Godless that that would be so weak and stumbling. So about to fall. In 25 years we have done a 180. We are ripe to fall.

I asked yesterday why God should stay here, and I was told that it is because He is a forgiving God. Yes, He is but he is also a God that will not abide the things that He says are an abomination. The fact is we are pushing His patience and we have been for some time. He has a breaking point. The flood and Sodom and Gomorrah? This country is every bit as bad as the world was when he took action.

People are ignoring the signs. All this “weird weather” and all those “odd earthquakes” are signs and warnings you can find in the Bible. The strife in the middle east as well. Yep, unbelievers will say there has ALWAYS been trouble there and they are right there has… it started with Abraham’s disobedience to God by having a child with his maid rather than waiting on God. The difference is that this time it is lining up according to the prophecy.

The United States is not talked about in Revelations. There is a reason. We are not a power, we have been taken out of the picture… OR we have a weak leader that stays on the sidelines and lets evil win. Either way we are just about there.

I DO believe that God is in control. I KNOW how it ends. It breaks my heart that we are breaking His heart. That He loves us and we as a country don’t care. We have rejected Him and His son but choosing to ignore His ways that are in the Bible.

Evil won this one, and we will have to live under that. I know in the end God wins… but it is going to be Hell until then… and America CHOSE it.

My thoughts on thankfulness

It is November again and time for everyone to do the whole month of daily posting what they are thankful for. People have asked me why I am not doing it. Oh, you see I in the past I did it, I did it in every possible way even working through the alphabet. I have been the FIRST to encourage people to be thankful.

So why am I not doing it again, you may ask. Well you see I have learned what thankfulness is and isn’t. It isn’t words on facebook. It isn’t sitting down at the end of the day and picking through the chaos to find something to post that you are thankful for. It isn’t saying the same old tired things… family, friends, job yada yada yada… those SHOULD be a given!

So what is thankfulness you are wondering. It is being mindful ALL YEAR how blessed you are to have the life you do. It is about showing your thankfulness. It is about doing something to give someone else something to be thankful for! It is stopping at random times in April and praying a prayer of thanks to God because your heart is so full from the beauty of a blooming flower! It is

I am not downing the lists, as I said I used to do them too…. but I learned that words are just words… make sure your actions are saying what your words are.