They say you can’t miss something you never had. I am not sure that is true. I think you can miss something that you know others have and you don’t. Does that make sense?
I see other big families get together at the holidays and everyone has fun and teases and plays games and eats and watches football. That makes happy holiday memories.
When I was a kid we would go to my granny’s and there would be a few of us, but I was always so hyper aware of the tense and strife. I have a few happy memories of the holidays but they were not like the ones others seem to have.
Now perhaps I am romanticizing thing and perhaps it is more in how people see things. I understand that what I want/miss may not even really exist.
Due to family issues on both sides and deaths there is no chance of us going to another big family Christmas. We try to give our kids and Wyatt a nice relaxed holiday but it will never be big because we were only blessed with one child. I am grateful that Sam married into a great family with cousins for Wyatt and in-laws that love her and a sister-in-law closer to her age. They will have happy memories there too.
I guess this time of the year is hard on everyone, not just me. I sometimes feel incomplete, that I missed out on what other kids take for granted.
I guess I am just melancholy today…. not really sure why.