Auld Lang Syne

So this is the last day of 2012… we are supposed to reflect on the last year, and then decide what we are going to do to make the next year better.

When I think about 2012, sadly one of the words that comes to me is pain. Physical pain. I spent a good deal of time and money trying to figure out why I was hurting so much. I got my answers, but I found out that there isn’t really a cure, but only ways to manage the pain. I am still working on accepting that. I am getting some cortisone shots in a few days in the joints and I am hoping that the pain is relieved to the point of being able to work out and strengthen the supporting muscles around the joints.

I have learned some things about myself that I don’t like. I have a VERY quick temper. I also seem to employ a scorched earth policy. If you make me mad or hurt me, then I don’t need you in my life. That isn’t healthy!  I also, I guess over time and experiences, started to just go ahead and assume the worst about people, if you managed to change my mind THEN I would let you in. Again not healthy!

I want to work on being more contented with life. Change what needs it of course, but to stop beating my head on a brick wall. I often have an …. unsettled feeling and I can’t even name it but I don’t like it, and frankly I am not sure how to fix it or whatever if I can’t even name it!

I think it would benefit me to write more here. Just about what I think and feel. I used to blog a lot more than I do now. It makes me think more and then I can look back and see how I felt and what it is like now.

I love my cookie business but to be honest I find that the cookies I give away are the most fulfilling. I have a couple of outlets for as many cookies as I want to bake and I will still of course fill any orders that come in but I think at this point I am not actively seeking business.

I have learned some lessons about giving this last year. I have been doing the 26 random acts of kindness over the holidays and I love it. It is so so good for me. It is interesting that I would rather give something to or do something nice for a stranger or anonymously than someone I know. There is a reason. When you give to someone you don’t know and they don’t know you there is NO expectation of reciprocation. It is a free giving… a truly free giving and I have decided that is the kind of giving I need to do.

I always look forward to the New Year, it is fresh and new and it seems like anything is possible. So I have talked about the things that I don’t like about myself and I plan to find a way to make them better.

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