Meek??? I don’t think I know that word….

Blesses are the MEEK, for they shall inherit the earth Mathew 5:5


Well I looked up MEEK in the dictionary, I knew what is meant, but wanted the exact definition.

1. Showing patience and humility; gentle.
2. Easily imposed on; submissive.
Ok I have to tell you like the old joke goes I skipped the line that was passing that out.  But then you all already know that.
It almost sounds like a bad thing to be, but it is in the list of qualities that God wants in us. (the Beatitudes) It isn’t really a surprise in that God often puts value on the things that the world shuns or belittles.
I spent a lot of years being quiet…. but it wasn’t the right thing BECAUSE it was all inside still and I just shut it up with food. I believe what is inside is more important that what is outside, and I think that what is inside WILL show up outside in time. Mine did.
When I stopped eating… I found my voice. That is a blessing and a curse. I am generally a blunt person, I don’t sugar coat stuff or play nice little PC (politically correct) games. This gets me in trouble.
Oh more than once I have learned WHY MEEK is good!
I am not a patient person…. I could write a book, I am just NOT. Not only am I not patient I will try to do it myself if it isn’t done fast enough!
Humility…. yeah… hmmm ok I missed that line too…. let me talk to God on that one….I am gonna need some help.
Submissive…. oh that is such a dirty word these days! “I WILL NOT be second!” “I WILL NOT let someone make decisions!” ” I WILL wear the pants in this family or I will just pout and sulk and withdraw affections!”
It isn’t like that. Recently. Gabriel Reese. commented that she is submissive to Laird Hamilton and the fall out was incredible. As someone who once was like… submissive … not in this lifetime! There is a blessing and peace in being what God tells you to be.
I am not a shrinking violet… like you all don’t know that… but I trust Bill to take care of us. I don’t meddle in the bill paying and the when there is a decision to make we talk about it, I say what I think and then he does what he thinks is best. He has NEVER once put himself and his wants ahead of me… not once in 28 years of marriage.
I don’t want to get off topic here.
Anyway, my point is that I fail so miserably at this…. and I want to be meek I really do… it is just that I have a problem when I see things that I believe are wrong, and I just have to say my piece… or as they say “bust a gut”.
Lord help me to be gentle, kind, quiet, and submissive and humble ….. I am going to need all the help I can get…..

All the pieces

I spent some time being really angry lately. It was my constant companion. I looked around at the world and all the crap that is done and I was just angry and I tried to fix it all.

I am not angry on a daily basis anymore.

I am not sure that is a good thing or not. Anger doesn’t hurt my heart as much as trying to accept what is reality.

I stopped being angry at God and people. I stopped lashing out, and I stopped trying to take in every piece of news I could find.

When I stopped being angry I was left with a broken heart. My tears for people and this old world, the feelings of helplessness hurts so much more than being mad.

Anger is my defense mechanism. The only way I was able to cope at all with the shape of the world and of the people I see.

And of my OWN relationship with God. Yep, I am heartbroken that I am not the woman God wants me to be.

I am heartbroken that the women in this world are no longer the women that God made them to be…. the nurturers, the soft place, the loving partner to a spouse, the protective mother. They act like men, and put themselves first and do not care about the sanctity of life and the gift of a child. The men do not escape this… the are no longer the head and leaders of the family.

Everyone says the Bible and living a Godly life is just not possible in this day. They say that the Bible should be updated to reflect the modern times…. no, I am in the minority that believe that we need to go to the Bible. Before you start quoting to me that you can’t wear this and that … do this and that … that is in the Old Testament. If you are not a Christian you need to know that when Christ died the Old Testament was replaced by the New Testament. Christ dying was the ultimate sacrifice.

I am sorry I got a bit off topic there… but the point is that the further we get away from living like the Bible says we should the more mess we made of this world.  We FIGHT for perversions and death…. It hurts my heart, it breaks my heart.


It is no secret that I LOVE warm fresh from the oven bread. I can barely wait until it is cool enough to cut! I start to drool when I smell it and the bell goes off… I am like Pavlov’s dog. I am standing there with a saucer and the apple butter!

So a couple of days ago was baking day and I have my bread all slathered with apple butter, and I bite into it…. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t quite right. It took me a couple of bites and a couple of minutes to realize I left out the salt. Who would have thought that a small amount of one thing would make such a difference. I have to tell you I will be feeding that to the chickens it is simply not good to me.

The recipe only calls for a teaspoon of salt… that is such a tiny amount in the recipe that makes two full-sized loaves!

I think that most things in life have a lesson for us if we pay attention.

Have you ever eaten or tried to eat something that was too salty? I have and again it is a small amount that ruins the whole dish.

I just got to thinking about all the ingredients that go into our lives… and how we have to learn how much of each thing we can tolerate and still be happy. Too much or too little of anything seems to make me miserable. I am one of those people who focus on something and I stay focused on it until I have exhausted it. Oh most of the time it is harmless…. I will get on a quilting jag and make 5 quilts before I stop… or I know way more than I will ever need to know about King Henry VIII and Doc Holiday, because they caught my attention one time.

Some things are not so innocuous though… too much honey and biscuits make my butt too big…. lol too much caffeine makes my heart race and feel like an anxiety attack. Too much news makes me angry and combative.

I guess I just saw in a bigger picture how the amounts of stuff affect our whole life. Not enough God and too much world, is a bad thing for me. Too much junk and not enough good nutritious food makes me have to take vitamins for 6 months.

Balance is hard for me it always had been I am an all or nothing thinker, but looking at it as a recipe gives me some perspective. Hope it does for you too.

John 16:33 It is going to be ok

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” Jon 16:33

I am tired… or I don’t mean the I didn’t get enough sleep, or the I just cleaned the house tired. I am not even talking about tired of pain and fatigue. What I am talking about is just being too tired to fight the horribleness that is what this country and world is becoming.

I have known for a very long time that this world was not my home. I have known that this country would fall and that there are certain things that must come to pass in order to fulfill prophecy and I see it happening everyday. Things that I never in a million years could imagine years ago. It scares me on some levels because it is going to get worse and worse for believers and I see it. I got mad at God for a while. I felt like he wasn’t doing anything for this country, just letting the evil take over.  I felt like He had turned his back on the country and me. What I realized is that this country VOTED him out of this country but that He still loves ME and has not given up on ME…. instead he whispered…. hang on I am coming soon.

I forgot that I wasn’t responsible for this country. I forgot that every person is responsible to God for the choices they make, same as me. I realized that there nothing I can do anymore. This country and the world have set to fulfilling the prophecy and I often wondered why they would choose what is to come. I have talked to people who are wiser than me and I have come to some understanding.

There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death. Proverbs 14:12

Some people just don’t get it…. they just don’t and frankly they don’t want to. They want what they want and don’t give a fig about what God says.

In order to know what is right and wrong you must read the Bible and even the word Bible is offensive to people these days so, why would we think that people would know right from wrong.

There is not a single thing that God can or will do to save those that reject his son. That is the only way to Heaven. If God can’t do it, I most assuredly can not. Do I just shut up? No, I am still responsible to God to plant the seed… but it has ALWAYS been His job to make it grow. Do I spend my whole life trying to change people’s mind? no I am supposed to be happy and carry on with my life until He comes.

I guess in the end God is ALWAYS there, his truth is ALWAYS there and waiting for people to read it and live by it. He never forces it on anyone, everyone has the same exact choice. I will spend eternity for my choice and so will everyone else.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 28:11

He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus. Rev 22:20

This is something that I think about fairly regularly… especially after a trip to Walmart. I hope you will share your thoughts and opinions on this.

Do we have a responsibility to be cheerful to those around us?

If you are in a pretty good mood and you go to the store and you go through the checkout line and the checker is just not in a good mood.. does she have some responsibility to be cheerful?

If you have a tough day either at home or work or whatever and you meet up with family, do you have some responsibility to be cheerful?

I know that we can’t always be in a good mood. I mean I have times when I can wither people with a look… but should I take it out on the checker or my daughter?

I think it is kind of sad that most of us are grumpy all the time. I am guilty of being grumpy too. The thing is we don’t always know what our actions or words do to someone else. Is it so hard to look up at the teenager at the drive up window at their name tag and say “thank you Mary.”?

I remember back around Christmas last year and I did the 26 random acts of kindness and people were just flabbergasted. I bought a small little thing of flowers at walmart and at the end, I handed her the flowers to the checker and she was speechless. Another time I just took a single cupcake to the bell-ringer and she hugged me and cried. … over a cupcake. But it wasn’t the cupcake, it was that someone did something nice for her.

Now I know we can’t always do things like that…. but we can smile or call people by name. We can hug and kiss our spouse. We can just say thank you or you’re welcome. We can say to the person behind us go ahead you only have two things. Those don’t cost anything at all.

I know that a lot of people will just not even think about a good deed … but I do think some do and I think that for some it can be a turning point in their day, as to the mood they are in.

So if we are in a bad mood ourselves is it fair to take it out on someone else? I am sure it has happened to you, doesn’t it just ruin your day?

Recently I was in a really angry place and I didn’t care who knew it or who got caught in it. I was lucky that my beloved kind of called me on it and I knew he was right. I started to make the changes that I needed to so that I could be my normal cheerful and happy self.

So do we have the responsibility as a citizen of the world to be nice and cheerful to others?


I hope Bill won’t mind me simply mentioning him here. He and I have talked about this many times is the only reason I bring him up.

I know that he works all day and then comes home and looks at the yard, we have an acre and he sees all the things that needs to be done, the mowing and weed eating, thing that need to be cleaned up and the unfinished projects and he feels overwhelmed by the job.

I wake up in the morning and my mind goes immediately to all the chores I need to accomplish and all the things I want to do and read and work into the day and I sigh. I move to get up and my body always hurts first thing in the morning, and I just want to pull the covers over my head and hide.

Both of us have things that we just feel overwhelmed by.

I am betting you do too.

When I was very heavy, before the surgery, I looked at the amount of weight I needed to lose and it was not 30  or 50 or even 100 pounds and I was overwhelmed.

The trouble with being overwhelmed is that it is easier to just say what does it matter! It is too big to tackle so I may as well just pretend it isn’t there. You start ignoring that the floor is needing a good mopping, or that the flowerbed has weeds.

I have trouble breaking it down. I think I need to clean the house… that means take an entire day or two and scrub it from top to bottom and frankly I don’t have that in me at the moment. I don’t think I need to… vacuum and sweep today. I need to do one load of laundry and I need to change the bed. All of the individual things that need to be done are in themselves not hard or time-consuming but the whole is exhausting.

I know that if I can just break it up and chip away at it, I will get it all done, and THAT is the challenge on a daily basis.

Take it….

one pound at a time

one person at a timeone meal at a time

one chore at a time

one pet at a time

one bed at a time

one floor at a time

one day at a time

one trip to town at a time

one fence line at a time

one project at a time


the list can go on and on and I am betting you have one too.

Do I have words of wisdom on this? Not really, all I know is that if I get up and start on the first thing on the list,  I see and do the next thing.  It is easier to continue because I am already busy, and so the day goes until I look back at the end of the day and realized that all those little things added up to a sizable chunk of the list to do. I never seem to completely clear my list because it is a constantly used home and it gets strewn and dishes get dirty.

For me the fight is all in how I look at it… not only the chores but just in life… it is all in how you see it and tackle it.

Fly little birdie fly

I remember like yesterday looking at my beautiful baby girl sleeping beside me… she is about 4 and has long hair that still has the baby curls. She breathes softly and her eyes are fluttering and her little arms are plump and she is kissed by the sun. I think to myself… how will I bear it when she has to go to school soon. How will stand it? That day came, and it was only half a day and I walked her to school and I cried all day until I walked back to get her at noon. I did this for a week. I can’t believe it has been that long ago.

Sam was born when I was 17. She was/is my whole world, along with her family and my husband. We are a small group but I love them all so fiercely.

Anyway because I was so young I went through the milestones of life with Sam earlier than most of my peers. I see them now going through things that are so heartbreaking and I want to just tell them it will be ok … in time.

Sam is my only living child. I was her playmate and confidant. When we learned that the jump to middle was a bad fit for her because they tried to put her in some mold, we took her out and we home-schooled her for 3 years. We eventually moved and also we had reached a point where chemistry and such really needed to be in a more safe situation. She went back to school and it once again broke my heart. She was happy and took to it like a little duck. She was ahead of the curve and did well, we were thankful. She is very outgoing and we always had kids in the yard, even when she wasn’t in public schools.

Then came the time for the high school testing…. and she did very very well and the scholarships came. She thought she wanted to teach, and regardless of what she think I know in my heart she would have been GREAT at time… she is so good with Wyatt. She took the best deal… a full ride in Louisiana, not all that far from where my folks had lived. I drove her all the way there for her orientation. Then soon it was time to load up the little car we bought her and she drove off with my heart and I cried. and I cried and I cried. Since she was an only child my house was down to two. It was far too still and quiet and I floundered. I had no clue what to do with myself. I didn’t want to be home alone. 4 long years. She came home on the weekends when she could but it was a 6 -7 hour drive. It is the only thing that kept me from going to get my baby. 

I knew I had to get her go….

She changed her major to a degree that was a specialty at that school and she excelled. She graduated with honors and she came back home.

She was grown up. She was not the child that left. She was my equal and she was now my best friend. Being her mother had ceased to be my main role.

She lived here for a couple of months or less. She had a job on the other end of the metroplex and the drive was crazy. We treated her like an adult. No rules, but when you live on your own you get used to it and she wanted and needed her own place. She got an apartment.

I was getting pretty tired of having to say goodbye…

Things settled into a routine and before long she was engaged to JT and they were married a couple of years later they had Wyatt. There are not words to tell you how much I love that baby.

My life had now turned into hellos….

Things happened and are as the should be. We raised her the best we knew how and despite that she turned out wonderful.

We took forward to having babies even thought we know there is pain. It hurts our bodies. We dread them leaving and going out into the world because we know there is pain. There are at LEAST two times you give birth to your children, the first as a baby the second as adult ready to face the world.

If you are lucky the hellos will make the goodbyes worth it.