I have been thinking a lot lately … about a lot of things. I just haven’t taken the time to write much.
For those that don’t know… I got a dehydrator about a month ago and I have been having a blast. I LOVE to learn new stuff. I have been making jerky and soup stuffs that all you have to do is add water and simmer. I have made my monkey a lot of dehydrated marshmallows. All great fun. Bill is trying to cut way back on carbs so I miss making bread so I guess this fills the void.
Most of you know about the ongoing soap opera of trying figure out why I hurt so bad in my back and hip. I saw a neurologist in January… he did tests and said yes it is nerve issues gave me some meds and then stopped coming here. Fast forward to about 2 months ago and another neurologist and he did tests and commented that my toes and the way I walk also spoke to nerve damage… more meds which frankly I hated. I went to the same one on friday and now suddenly it isn’t nerves if has to be structural…. and the hip is going downhill as to arthritis. Sigh… I don’t know what else to do. He referred me to a spine doctor so I guess I will go see what they can come up with. I give you a refresher run down of this because frankly being in pain is exhausting and I can very easily become a mean monster.
So these are my thoughts….
Paul wrote the book Philippians (and others) in the Bible. It was stated over the course of his letters to the early church that he had “a thorn in his flesh” He repeatedly asks God to take it from him. The Bible never says what it is, but that God didn’t see it as a hindrance to Paul and in fact used it to teach him. Paul continued to serve God even tho he didn’t get what he wanted from God. So while I am never going to be the servant to God that Paul was, I think that for whatever reason God doesn’t want this pain to leave me at this time. I can imagine how that might look to a non believer…. God just wants me to hurt! LOL that isn’t the case. The pain is there to teach me a lesson… It is there to help me remember that this body and this life is temporary. He is much more concerned with my eternal soul than the pain here. Does that mean that God is there laughing at my pain? No. He comforts me. He teaches me to rely on Him and to keep my eyes on Him. That is the read I am getting at this point …. that whatsoever situation I may find myself that I can be content and to even still be happy.
I have noticed that there are two kinds of people in the world… and very few that may be in the middle.
There are those that take responsibility for things… it is ALWAYS someone else that is at fault.
Then there are those that think every thing is their fault.
Isn’t it odd? Sadly in this day and age it is much easier to blame others. Just for today listen and see how many times you hear… it’s not your fault. You weigh too much?? not your fault. You owe the government taxes and didn’t pay now they are after you?? no your fault! Your dog got run over in the road? not your fault that he was running loose! I am serious people think this.
Then there are those that apologize for things that they had nothing to do with. You pulled out in front of me and there was no way to avoid a fender bender… oh I am sorry it must be my fault.
This is a situation I was privy to this last week. We live in the country… most people out here have dogs. We and most people have fences and our dogs are safe. There is one person that gets puppy after puppy and something always happens to it. Before it goes away it will usually wreck havock … tear up stuff, fight with other dogs and goes where it has no business. The family has little kids. My poor neighbor is usually the main target of the dog. The family in question HAS a fenced yard but they are too lazy to get out of their car and close the large gate across the driveway. Now she wants to call animal control to come get the puppy before something happens. She hesitates because she doesn’t want to do that to the kids…. I told her she isn’t doing it to the kids… the PARENTS are! The lady with the puppy will blame my neighbor…. do you see how messed up that is. The person that IS to blame won’t take responsibility and the one that ISN’T to blame does! Makes me crazy!
Have you ever been presented with a social situation that you just have NO idea how to handle? Something that just makes you so uncomfortable and yet sheer morbid curiosity makes you see it out? I am blunt and to the point, that doesn’t always make for good small talk lol. I seems that some people enjoy those little games… things that I outgrew. I don’t want to jump the gun ,,, just let it play out and above all guard my heart and feelings….
I really don’t want to do anything today… It is funny it seems like when I say that people say… well don’t, you are home do it tomorrow. Maybe I am different from others that stay home but everyday I WORK. I do laundry, I vacuum, I sweep, I change beds, I cook … on and on and that is my job. I would never say to someone who works in the office to just blow it off and do nothing. Besides, in my life I have to do stuff everyone and if I don’t then it is more to do tomorrow.
It seems like so many people who I care about are hurting. They hurt mentally, physically and emotionally. I am here. More importantly God is here. I love each one of you and I pray for you daily.