I was reading an interview from an actress with small kids. She is a few years younger than me, but has small kids. I think that in that career most women and men are more self-centered than the average person. The thing that worries me is that a lot of women that are searching for peace or view points are reading this sort of thing and thinking… OH, that is what I am missing. I think that the men and women in ANY sort of … impressionable work has to stop and think about how what they say can have too much weight for some readers. Yes, they say… oh, I am not a role model. Yes, you are, like it or not. If you are being interviewed that means that magazine thinks you have something to say that will make a difference.
So back to this interview. She talks about her self in terms of her kids. She says that she hates the word nanny so she uses babysitter. I think that that word is the difference to her of feeling guilty or not. Nanny means she isn’t raising her kids the nanny is. The word babysitter means, oh, well we like to have a night out once in a while. See the difference?
I wouldn’t think too much about the above but she goes on to talk about how women become mothers and stop being themselves. That she went on facebook and ALL the mothers have pictures of their kids as their profile and that all their stuff is kid centered. She says all of this as though it is a terminal disease or something. That becoming the BEST mom and wife you can be means that you are … not YOU anymore. This makes me sad.
There are people out there that think you can grow a baby under your heart, give it life in pain, fall hopelessly and helplessly in love the second you see those tiny eyes, that you can put every waking second into keeping them alive for months on end. That you can feed it from your own body, say MAMA and DADA 20 million times so they will FINALLY say something. That you can play peek a boo all day for a SINGLE smile, that you can dance and make up songs just so they will laugh and that you will sit and rock them for hours when they are sick. That you do this and then you just up and go back to what or who you were….
I know that staying home with your kids isn’t for everyone, and I know it isn’t possible for everyone. However to assume that women must go right back to what they were doing before their kids is just wrong. Suppose, if you will, that a woman WANTS to JUST be a mom and wife… that that is enough for her, why is that put down? Why can’t their be a medium? Why can’t they love their kids just as much and be a MODIFIED version of who they were? Not the same but there are still part of them there, but that their priorities change.
Again, I understand who this is coming from and that there is a need to have huge amounts of attention if you go into that line of work. Having kids and staying home would never give her the feedback and adoration she so obviously wants. One of these days, she will run out of parts and money and fame … she will have missed all the cute things and the singing silly songs, and finger painting and fishing hot wheels out of the flour, and the hugs and kisses and hand holding. Those don’t keep … THOSE are the things we should work for, to try to be worthy of.